Drug Dealers

Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
Have important Asian connections.
Strange jargon:
"Stick"
"Rock"
"Wrap"
"E"
"Stash"
"Drive-by"
"Hit (LSD)"
"Source"
"The Pigs"
Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Clients really like your stuff when it works.When it doesn't work they want to kill you.
Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more potent product.
Often seen in the company of pimps, hustlers and low-lifes
When things go wrong, a "fix" is just a phone call away, but may be expensive
A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.
Product causes unhealthy addictions.
Do your job well and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.

Software Developers

Refer to their clients as "users".
"Download a free trial version..."
Have important Asian connections.
Strange jargon: "SCSI"
"RTFM"
"Packet"
"C"
"Cache"
"CTRL ALT DEL"
"Hit (WWW)"
"Source-code"
"Microsoft"
Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Clients really like your stuff when it works.When it doesn't work they want to kill you.
Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more potent products.
Often seen in the company of marketing people, venture capitalists and fund managers.
When things go wrong, a "fix" is just a phone call away, but may be expensive
A lot of people are getting rich while still teenagers.
DOOM, Quake, SimCity, Duke Nukem 3D...
Damn! DAMN!!!

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You email your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back, 'What's for dinner dad?'

Your daughter sets up a web site to sell Girl Scout Cookies.

You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.

A computer support technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."

About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on "find".

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your boot diskette to recover from a crash.

We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".

Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on "back".

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".

If you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

My husband and I incurred several problems while assembling our new computer system, so we called Tech Support. The man on the phone started to talk to Dave in computer jargon, which confused us even more.

"Sir," my husband politely said, "please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old."

"Okay," the computer technician replied. "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"